Compatibility

Today Mike and I have been married for fourteen years.

I've spent the last year or so noticing, with some humor, the many ways that Mike and I differ. It seems I often have a very high tolerance for the very things he has a low tolerance for and vice versa.

Some might say these many things make us incompatible, but I like to think it's just the opposite. By having different strengths and weakness, contrasting points of view, and a wide array of interests, we make up for what the other lacks, and consequently, we are becoming something that is truly whole.

Some of those things are big, some are small, and some are just plain silly and don't matter in the slightest. Here's a little sampling:

Microwave popcorn: I feel like I've nailed the time on microwave popcorn if I have just a few burnt kernels but no old maids. Mike would prefer the opposite.

Softened butter: Mike has the art of softening a stick of butter down to a science--seven seconds on this side, five seconds on that side, etc. That takes entirely too long for me. I would rather it was a little (or even a lot) melted rather than spend all that time babying it.

Leftovers in the microwave: Similar to the butter example, Mike carefully warms up leftovers, stirring or rotating them frequently so that everything is evenly heated. I almost always eat food that has a mixture of hot and cold spots in it. It's not a big deal.

Parking spaces: I would rather find a wide open parking space and have to hike two miles in than back into a tight parallel parking spot. Mike doesn't even realize this is something to be anxious about and does it with one hand, in the dark, with a line of cars stacked up behind him.

Temperature: I cry with the first cold front of the fall; Mike cries with the first warm spell of spring. I park myself in front of my space heater; he does the same with his portable fan. (There is maybe even a slight chance we have done this at the same time before, on opposite sides of the bed.) On the rare golden days where we are both comfortable, we know that must be the temperature in heaven.

Dishes: We don't own a dishwasher and have never owned one during our fourteen years of marriage (technically, we had one for three months when we house-sat for someone the summer after we got married, but I think that doesn't really count). Neither one of us minds washing the dishes, but Mike doesn't like washing utensils, and I don't like washing pots and pans, so we often save those things for the other person.

Fizzy drinks: Neither of us are big soda drinkers, but Mike loves carbonation. As such, his go to drink is a can of sparkling water (his favorite brand is Bubly). There are times when I want one too, but I can only drink about fifteen percent of it before the carbonation gets to me. So now, anytime Mike cracks one open, he pours about an inch of it into my cup and downs the rest in ten seconds while I spend the next five minutes slowly sipping mine. It works out great.

Plastic grocery bags: Every time Mike goes to the grocery store, he saves every single plastic grocery bag. Even if the holder is already stuffed and the bags are spilling over the sides into our pantry, he still tries to add a few more. To balance this out, I often have to throw away a couple of handfuls just to hold the stockpile at bay. (Lest you think this has anything to do with Mike's concern for the environment, and my lack thereof, think again. In general, I pay more attention to environmental issues and concerns than Mike does.)

Meal Planning: My version of this consists of sitting down at the beginning of the week, planning out what we want to eat, rotating through meals we like, while adding in a couple new recipes for the sake of variety. Mike's version looks more like running to the grocery store, wandering the aisles looking for something that is on sale, and then bringing everything home and throwing it all together in a culinary masterpiece.

Damp clothes: I do not pull the clothes out of the dryer until they are dry. I do not like folding damp clothes at all. Mike, on the other hand, would rather just get through the laundry. Of course I'm always grateful for his help, but inevitably, if he's switching out the laundry, there are bound to be baskets of damp jeans.

Test scores: When Mike and I were in college, we approached studying for tests very differently. I was aiming for 100 percent. Always. He was sad if he ever got anything above a 94 because it meant he had studied too hard.

Shopping with kids: I say, "Now that you're home, I'm going to run to the store so that I don't have to bring the kids." He says, "Hey guys, I'm home! Who wants to run to the store with me?"

Going out for breakfast: I love going out for breakfast. It feels super indulgent and special to me. In contrast, Mike feels like paying for breakfast is a waste of money. Our marriage became a lot happier when I realized I should stop taking Mike out for breakfast on his birthdays, and he realized he should start taking me out for breakfast on mine.

Observations: I tend to pay attention to names and faces, Mike to landmarks and directions--a fact that was very obvious this past week while we were on a little anniversary trip to New York City.

If anything, the past fourteen years have taught us that some differences are assets, others can be worked through, and most don't matter. But I'm so grateful I get to figure it all out with someone who knows me so well and loves me in spite of everything.

A Little of This and That in March

With spring break and visits from family and a birthday and a wedding, March was definitely not short on things to talk about. This month found us:

Celebrating . . . Maxwell's sixth birthday. Mike and I gave him an iPod so he could listen to audiobooks more easily. We're kind of regretting that decision because he listens constantly, but luckily, he uses up the battery fairly quickly, and then we conveniently seem to lose the iPod cord every time, so that buys us a few days' reprieve.

Getting . . . a new roof! We had been talking about and planning and saving for it ever since we moved into our home two years ago, so sometimes I still can't believe it when I pull into the driveway and see those beautiful shingles up there instead of that ugly tile. Next up: painting! (Don't get too excited--it will probably take another two years.)

Enjoying . . . a visit with my family. They were here at the beginning of the month to visit a couple of schools for two of my brothers. We saw them off and on during the week, and my kids were very sad to see Aunt Angela go back home. She is their favorite aunt for sure.

Listening . . . to all of Clark's new words. I think I said something similar in last month's recap, but Clark continues to say new words every day, and it's just so fun. This month, he started saying, "I ub oo, Mommy," [I love you, Mommy], and my heart melts every time.  

Hosting . . . our second annual Pie (Pi) Day. Mike made thirty-one pies, we had over one hundred people come, and the weather was completely gorgeous, so it was a success in every way.

 
Wearing . . . green on St. Patrick's Day. We don't do much besides eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, but this year, I also packed each boy a green lunch (with green bread that Mike made the night before). Aaron especially was so surprised and thrilled when he opened it up, so I felt like it was totally worth the extra bit of effort.

Going . . . to Maxwell's walking report card. He got to demonstrate all of his skills by completing a packet with Mike and I watching. That kind of attention and praise is exactly the type of thing he thrives on, so he just relished it all evening. He also sang songs with his classmates and really got into the performance. 

Welcoming . . . spring. Everything is waking up, the days are lengthening, and every day seems to bring a new surprise in the way of flowers or birds or leaves. I love it.

Indulging . . . Clark's recent love of books. With all of my kids, I've despaired a little around 14 months when they still don't sit still for books. But then, as they approach their second birthday, something always clicks and suddenly I find myself sitting on the couch reading book after book after book. This is exactly what has happened with Clark in the last couple of months, and I'm loving it. Stay tuned because I'm going to be sharing Clark's favorite books in an upcoming post (although I'll warn you right now, he mainly sticks to the classics).

Reading . . . books with due dates. I started The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah at the beginning of the month, but I was reading some other things at the time (Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library for one, and I couldn't let Aaron get too far ahead of me), and my time with it expired before I was even a quarter of the way through. Now I'm back to being #80 on the hold list at the library. Boo. 

Playing . . . at the cabin. We only stayed over one night, but our kids had so much fun, mostly because they had cousins to explore and play games with and grandparents who indulged their every whim.

Teaching . . . Bradley how to ride a two-wheeler. He was catching on like a pro, but then the weather turned bad, and he hasn't practiced since.

Organizing . . . a neighborhood Easter egg hunt. I have wanted to do this for years (ever since we moved away from a neighborhood that did it). Parents dropped off a dozen plastic eggs for each child who wanted to participate. We divided up the eggs into four age categories and then hid them in four different yards. We had a great turnout, met some new neighbors, and avoided the community egg hunt over at the library (which is more of a greedy grab-fest than a hunt).

Keeping . . . Easter. I have been wanting to do something similar to our Christ-centered advent calendar for Easter to help us count down the days and keep our focus on the spiritual reason for the holiday.  I finally put together some resurrection eggs (you know the kind that have a little symbol and scripture in each egg?), and we opened them up on the days leading up to Easter.

Attending . . . Josh and Katie's wedding. My brother-in-law, Josh, got remarried just a couple of days ago. With his three boys and Katie's four kids, all of them between ten and fifteen years old, I have a feeling their house is going to be one constant party.

Alternating . . . between playing in the sun and huddling under a blanket. That's spring for you. 

Trying . . . to get our fill of Mike's parents before they go back to Germany. But it's impossible. Clark especially has been loving all the time with them and lights up every time he sees "Bampa Paul."

For more glimpses of this and that, be sure to follow me on Instagram.

What were you up to in March?