Choosing Books With Intention (and Why I Changed the Way I Was Doing It)

My oldest son, Aaron, is in second grade this year. We made it through the easy reader phase. Then the early chapter book phase. And during the last year or so, we've been settling into the chapter book (or middle grade or children's novel or whatever you want to call it) phase.

It's been a challenge.

I'm kind of surprised to hear myself admitting this, but it's true. Usually I love the book selection process, but it has not been easy with Aaron.

For one thing, he is totally impassive when it comes to books. Whatever I put into his hands, he will read. That should make it so easy, right? I could literally indoctrinate this kid with whatever I wanted, and he would just shrug his shoulders and go with it.

But it's not easy at all. I have nothing to gauge books off of. The only author he has ever admitted to liking without any prompting from me was Roald Dahl, and we all know Roald Dahl is in a class pretty much by himself.

I have never seen Aaron get so caught up in a book that he stays up late into the night because he can't wait to see what happens next. He never stops mid-chapter and says, "Mom, you have got to read this book!" He never tells me to get more of the books in a series or, alternatively, not to bring anymore of them home. If he comes to the library with me, he spends the entire time in the craft book section and just expects me to pick up something good for him.

For a long time, I selected his next book from book lists I felt I could trust. There are worse ways to pick a book for sure, but my method had one little flaw: I was trying to find books I had no interest in reading.

As you know, I read aloud to my kids a lot, and we've enjoyed dozens of excellent children's novels together (many of which Aaron has later reread). We've read the first books in many series (Paddington, Poppy, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, The Wizard of Oz, etc.). These should be excellent jumping-off points for Aaron, but I have hoarded them rather selfishly. What if I want to make the next book in the series our next readaloud and he's already read it?

So instead I gave him Origami Yoda and Captain Awesome and The Clubhouse Mysteries--not necessarily bad books but definitely books that I knew I'd never have the desire to read aloud, so they were safe.

The problem was, I actually had no idea what was in those books, and Aaron is not the type that will give a complete plot summary just by asking, "So, what was the book about?" The more he read, the more disconnected I felt . . . even though I was the one choosing the books!

But then, several weeks ago, I was reading Honey For a Child's Heart, and it was like a switch was flipped, and I could finally see quite clearly the holes in my reasoning and the problems with my book selection process. What was I doing?! Something had to change, and fast.

Let me insert one thing before I go any further: like I said before, I really didn't have a problem with the books I mentioned above. If Aaron had shown even a spark of interest in reading on in any of those series, I know I would have encouraged it. However, the problem for me was that since I had no interest in those books, I couldn't really engage in any sort of discussion with Aaron about them. Something was missing. Reading had become a chore for him (and for me).

I made some immediate changes, which included: using the Honey For a Child's Heart book lists, choosing a book to read along with Aaron, printing off Sarah Mackenzie's quick start guide with discussion questions, and letting Aaron continue on with series we'd already started.

Let me talk about each of these in a little more detail:

Use the Honey for a Child's Heart book lists

I already talked about this a little bit when I reviewed Honey For a Child's Heart: Gladys Hunt's book lists focus on classic books that teach good morals and values. She doesn't really include any trendy (or, as some like to label them, "twaddley") books on her lists, which I appreciate since those are fairly easy to find on my own. Her lists are good just for simply reminding me of good books I've read that I could pass along to Aaron. However, I am a little wary of handing him books from the list I haven't read yet simply because I didn't always agree with her age recommendations for books I did know and also, I don't think she really has a problem with recommending boring books (not that such a thing would necessarily be a problem since, like I said before, Aaron will read pretty much anything I give him). However, what I'm really excited about with these book lists is how they will help me with the next change I'm making.

Read a book with Aaron

I'm not talking about reading aloud to Aaron (that's something we're already doing a lot of and will continue to do). Rather, I want to choose a book that we can both read separately but simultaneously.  (This would never have worked with my previous method because I don't think I could have gagged down Origami Yoda, but now that I've opened up our options, there are literally hundreds of great books I've been dying to read that he would probably enjoy too.) This is where Gladys Hunt's book lists will come in handy because we'll have more ideas than we could ever possibly get through. Also, since I'll be reading it along with him, if I run into one of the problems I mentioned in the section above (i.e., boring or too advanced), I won't make him suffer through it. (In the last couple of weeks, we actually already read one together (Sideways Stories From Wayside School), and I'll be talking more about that experience when I review it.) Mike has also agreed to read a book here and there along with Aaron. Right now, they're both reading, The Wright Brothers: How They Invented the Airplane by Russell Freedman.

Use Sarah Mackenzie's quick start guide

Part of what was missing with Aaron was just any type of meaningful discussion after reading a book. I usually just asked him, "Did you like it?" and he responded with, "Sure," and that was the end of it. (Ironically, this question works like a charm with Maxwell. That kid needs almost no encouragement when it comes to chatting with me about things.) Sarah Mackenzie's guide is thoughtful, and she gives five questions that are easily adapted to practically any book. (However, I've discovered the first three questions don't work very well if I don't have any knowledge of the plot, which is one more reason for me to do some reading along with Aaron.) My plan is to use these questions both with the books Aaron is reading solo and with the books we are reading aloud as a family. They can be used either while we're still in the middle of the story or after we're entirely finished. Right now, it feels a little scripted, but I think the more we engage in meaningful discussions, the more natural it will become.

Let Aaron continue on with a series we have already started

Guess what? There are a lot of great books in this world. So many, in fact, that I am not going to have the time to read all of them out loud. That is the sad truth I have come to accept over the last few weeks. So even though I'd like to read all of the books in the Tales of Dimwood Forest or The Chronicles of Narnia, it might not be logistically possible. But just because I can't finish them all with my kids doesn't mean Aaron shouldn't have the chance to find out what happens. Now that I've loosened up my hold, we have so many more options, and I can keep him well supplied in books I already know I approve of (and having a discussion is much easier because I'm already familiar with the characters). And if I decide I really want to read a book aloud that he's already read, I know he's not going to mind listening to it again.

I'm curious: How do you choose books for your kids to read on their own? Or are they opinionated enough that you don't get much of a choice? Where do you go to find good books?

Honey For a Child's Heart: The Imaginative Use of Books in Family Life by Gladys Hunt

I first heard about Honey For a Child's Heart many months ago on a Read-Aloud Revival episode. I can never resist a good book list, so a whole book full of good book lists sounded right up my alley. (It was subsequently mentioned on almost every following episode, which further cemented my desire to look it up.)

A couple of months ago, my education group was planning out the next nine months of meetings. We each volunteered for a month to choose a book and host, and this is the book I went with. I was glad to finally have a reason to read this book and discuss it with other book-loving moms.

The book is divided into two sections. The first hundred or so pages make a case for why reading in the home is so wonderful and why every family should make it a priority. Of course, I loved these chapters. Reading with my kids is my very favorite way to spend time with them, and it's always nice to get some outside validation that what I love is actually what is best for them.

Gladys Hunt said, "Good literature teaches more than we know. Example always speaks louder than precept, and books can do more to inspire honor and tenacity of purpose than all the chiding and exhortations in the world."

She also used this section to talk about how to choose good books. Every time I go to the library without a plan (i.e., without twenty books already waiting for me on my hold shelf), I feel so overwhelmed (unless of course I'm by myself with twenty minutes of free time--then I'm happy to aimlessly peruse the shelves). The problem is, when I feel like I'm under a time constraint to find a worthwhile book for Aaron to read, the pressure of sifting through a lot of poor literature in hopes of finding the gold is really daunting.

Gladys Hunt defines a good book as "the quality of the idea, the skill of the plot, the depth of the characterization, [and] the distinctive style of the author." I agree with all those things, and I believe I can often recognize it when I find it. The problem is, finding it.

That's why book lists (from people you know and trust) can be such a gold mine. When other people have done the work for you, it's so easy to just click and reserve, click and reserve, and within ten minutes have a stack of books worth reading. I have many websites and blogs I trust for book recommendations (look at Where to Find a Good Children's Book and Nine Blogs I Visit For Book Recommendations for some of my favorites), but I really loved the second section of this book, which was list after list after list of tried-and-true books for children. (In fact, at one point, I closed this book, looked over at Mike and said, "I can't take it. There are too many good books to read.")

Seriously though, the book lists in this section are awesome (and I should know since, being the nerd that I am, I actually read this entire section cover to cover because it's so much fun to read a book list). I feel like I need to buy this book so that I'll be able to reference it whenever I'm reserving books at the library (a favorite nighttime activity for me).

That said, these aren't perfect lists, and I'll tell you why.

First, she recommends so many books that are currently out of print. I love discovering old classics, but it is really frustrating to hear about a good book and not be able to check it out from the library. I almost never buy books that I haven't already read, and I'm certainly not going to pay rare book prices if it's for a book I don't already know that we love. So I'm torn: I liked finding out about new books, but if I can't read them, it just makes the forbidden carrot so much more agonizing.

Second, I discovered that when she was summarizing a book I already knew, I often found her descriptions so bland and/or misrepresentative that I maybe would have never picked up that particular book if I was going off of her recommendation alone. The problem with that was since I felt like she didn't do justice to the books I knew, it made me distrust her a little with the books I didn't know.

Third, the organization was a little bit random and haphazard. If I had been skimming rather than reading this section all the way through, I think I would have missed a lot of good books because I would have assumed they were somewhere else rather than where they actually were. Also, some of her summaries were placed in the most bizarre places. For example, she listed several of the books in The Wolves of Willoughby Chase series, but didn't put her summary until after the third book (which made it look like the first two listed weren't part of the same series (also, she classified this as a "young adult" novel and, as you might remember, we just read this book last month, and my kids loved it, and I'm still trying to figure out what was young adult about it since the girls in the story are about nine years old).

All of this makes it sound like I didn't like the book lists but quite the opposite is true. I just wanted you to have a heads up on some of the things to watch out for if you take a look through them. From these lists, we've already found some new favorites, such as Pete's a Pizza by William Steig, Meanwhile by Jules Feiffer, and Max Found Two Sticks by Brian Pinkney.

This book made me reevaluate the way I was choosing books for my kids, particularly the books that Aaron is reading on his own. I'll be sharing some of the changes I've made in a future post, so stay tuned for that. And meanwhile, go get this book and start making more conscientious choices for your family too.